Characters
Charlie
Louise
EVENING.LOUISE AND CHARLIE ARE AT LOUISE’S APARTENT WATCHING A ROMANTIC MOVIE.
SX: BACKGROUND SOUND OF MOVIE
Louise: That was sooo sweet. (Sniffles)
Charlie: Yes that was really nice of him to propose at the super bowl games.
Louise: Ow, I hope I could get such a proposal one day from someone special (she winks at him)
Charlie: Is there anything else you request?
Louise: I want a husband who will love me unconditionally despite my flaws. A husband that will romance me when I feel down and depressed. I would even like my husband to buy me ice cream and flowers every weekend. This may sound trivial to you Charlie but (Pause) I would like a husband who will stare at me in the morning when I wake up. I want a husband who will take care of our children if I can’t for any reason. A husband that will spend as much time with them as me. I want a husband who will ensure that they go to the dentist, the doctors, the opticians when their annual appointment comes around.
Charlie: It seems like you know exactly what you want in a husband.
Louise: SX (gasp as she tries to say something)
Charlie: I am sure you’re not done yet?
Louise nods
Louise: I want a husband who will pedicure my toes for me. To wash and dry my hair when I feel lazy. A husband that will be in extreme love with my parents. One who will visit them without me and my knowledge. A husband who will get them gifts. I want a husband who will not cheat on me. I would not have to feel insecure if I go to the restroom at a club and leave him on his own. One who will tell me I am beautiful
CHARLIE INTERRUPTS
Charlie: You are beautiful Louise.
Louise blushes
Charlie: Can I (Pause) be the husband you are describing?
Louise holds her hands to her mouth and widens her eyes
Charlie gets down on his knees, reaches for a ring in his back pocket and says,
WILL YOU MARRY ME LOUISE?
SX: ‘Here comes the Bride’-Wedding music
THE END
Commentary
I used a lot of short sentences in the play to sure Louise’s need to complete what she wants in a marriage. I made it like Charlie was paying attention to her needs by giving him minimal lines. I used the right sound effects to give the reader a musical sense of certain situations in the play. I repeated,’ I want a husband’ so it was clear to the listeners that this is her interpretation of a husband and no one else’s. A wrote a little gestures so that it conveys that they are acting this out in the listener’s mind whilst they watch.
Language is used in a radio play to create drama because the listeners cannot visually see what is taking place in the play. Thus, the need for correct imagery and sound effects for them to get the writers message.
www engaging and mostly well written. You borrow successfully from Syfers many of the language features she uses though you apply them in a radically different way.
ReplyDeleteebi I wonder if the loss of the sarcasm and satire deminishes you work a little. I think you could get away with it better if you had commented on the deliberate subversion of the material and recasting it into a romantic setting. If you had also focussed on the language features in greater detail and explained how they echo Syfer but work differently because of the changed form and tone. Also, you should with this particular task comment on the potential spoken language features in greater detail.